Harness your full and true potential

Posted on December 25, 2007

Harness your full and true potential
K VIJAYARAGHAVAN, TNN

One of the invocations in the performance of Suryanamaskara (the 12 yoga postures of salutations to the sun) is Om Hiranyagarbhaya namah, implying, “salutation to one who awakens our inner capacities and potential”.

This concept is behind one of the Hindu trinities, Vishnu (Padmanabha) reclining peacefully on the serpent, Adisesha, whereupon creativity in the form of Brahma issues forth. Applied to man, resolving the undesirable traits and also transmuting particular base and apparently damaging instincts can help to bring out his true potential and creativity.

This principle also is behind the yogic concept of raising the kundalini sakti (serpent power) to transmute and thus tap the power of even the carnal instincts in man.

Even manic depression and ‘cyclothymia’ (swinging moods) have been shown, through modern studies, as fertile grounds for creativity in various forms — art, poetry and music. Also, anger, irritability, anxieties, and disturbances, in many cases are consequent on the existence of an abiding and powerful creative mechanism within. When analysed and channelled, these act as allies, instead of acting as damaging influences.

James McCartney, in his book, Yoga: The Key to Life sums up the practical working of this concept. He conceives of meditating on two separate triangles. The vertices of the first represent the virtues of light, wisdom and power, while of the second represent the oft-residing traits as restlessness, desire and doubt. When these two triangles unite through superimposition, this verily is yoga which literally means ‘unison’.

The traits, as in the second triangle, now are resolved and manifest in their transmuted forms as peace, health and understanding. This also is the key to J Krishnamurty’s concept of watching, as if like a witness (sakshi bhava), the origin and trends of even apparently damaging thoughts within. It is as if these too are like adversities, which to quote Shakespeare, wears, like an ugly toad, “a precious jewel in his head”!

C Rajagopalachari (Rajaji), in his hymn, conceives of how “the good in every man is like an atom too”, which has to be found, to “explode it into lasting peace”. This, verily, also is the process of harnessing the full and true potential through this process of empowering, cleansing or transmuting the traits within, depending on the nature and specifics of each particular case.

12 Seconds – Doing Things the Wright Way

Posted on December 25, 2007

12 Seconds – Doing Things the Wright Way
from CiteHR, posted by VIJAYA. Y.

Two of the most important people in human history were brothers with a pretty extraordinary dream. Their names were Orville and Wilbur. These two brothers shared the last name of Wright. They were the same Wright brothers who invented modern day flight, as we know it.
On the morning of December 17, 1903, the brothers decided to give their flying machine a test run. They notified a number of newspapers ahead of time so that everyone would be able to read of their accomplishment. Only one newspaper bothered to cover the story, and it was probably only because they knew that a story about a crash and tragedy would be great for their newspaper.

After a coin-toss to decide who would pilot the first attempt, Orville jumped in the seat of the machine. He fired up the engine and after a brief moment he started off down the track they had made to help launch the plane into the sky. As the plane headed down the track I am sure the onlookers were anticipating a tremendous failure and expecting the absolute worse.

Then the miracle happened! The plane reached the end of the track and it actually left the ground! Orville was flying! To everyone’s disbelief the flyer was actually using an engine to fly. Can you imagine the excitement?

Orville hardly had time to be excited because after a humble 12 seconds in the air, the plane fell back to the ground smashing the rudder and breaking a lever off of the engine. Orville had only managed to travel a distance of 120 ft.

They had 12 seconds, 120 feet and a broken airplane to their names.

I am sure the spectators were severely disappointed. Some may have even laughed at the weak attempt at flight. They chalked it up as another failure for these two brothers. Many must have concluded that the brothers were crazy and that engine-powered flight was impossible.

Do you know what the brothers did?

They celebrated! They were so ecstatic that they had managed to fly 12 seconds and a distance of 120 feet! They knew that they were that much closer to flying higher, longer and greater distances! After a quick repair, brother Wilbur jumped in the airplane and had a try at manning the craft.

Their final attempt for the day produced a 59 second flight covering the distance of 852 feet!

These brothers had a vision and there were many who told them it was crazy, many who took action to prevent them from trying to achieve flight and many who were certain it would never be accomplished. The brothers however, never released their vision, their dream and their goal.

Even after what some would have called a failure of their first attempt, when onlookers were shaking their heads and calling the brothers crazy, the brothers celebrated their small victory, fixed the plane and started down the runway again and again until they had perfected it.

The Wright Brothers changed history because of their persistence and vision.

Many of us have things we dream about and a vision for our future but give in and give up at the first sign of opposition and adversity.

Are you focused on your vision? Are you taking the time to celebrate your small victories along the way? Your 12 seconds and 120 feet in the air?

It’s easy to be consumed by a vision for bigger, better and more but we all need to take time to look at what we have already done and see the indicators that we are that much closer to flight. Without a doubt, there will be times when you will crash after barely leaving the ground, leaving your plane in need of repair but celebrate the fact you left the ground. Never release your vision, your dream or your goal.

Make the decision to do things the ‘Wright’ way. Decide to celebrate every small accomplishment along the way to your dreams. Be grateful for every second you spend off of the ground! Even if it’s only for 12 seconds!

Positive Thinking and Your Creative Mind – 7 Steps to Succes

Posted on December 25, 2007

Positive Thinking and Your Creative Mind – 7 Steps to Success
from CiteHR, posted by VIJAYA. Y.

You have a bright idea hidden somewhere in the back of your mind that you just can’t wait to test out. The question is, do you really want to bring it out into the light? What could motivate you to churn your creative, inspiring juices to their utmost flavor?

Did you know that it always helps to set a time limit to your personal goals? Set yourself up so you can accomplish the most tasks in record time. For example, mowing the lawn in an hour before the big game on TV. A correct and positive attitude in whatever you do will make things easier, and even enjoyable.

It’s simple. If you begin to allow yourself a bit of positive thinking then you will begin to realize things that you never thought possible. Thinking big is indeed the American Way and that what made our country prosperous. You can follow other great Americans who tapped into their creative mind and began to thing big..

Discover some tips to make it through your first week of possibility thinking even if you’re just sitting in your favorite couch. Your mind is constantly at work for you. Tap into it’s great resource while doing everyday activities.

1. Act. You must take passionate action towards living your life by design. Talk is cheap. Action = deposits in the bank of a passionately authentic future. My mother (probably quoting someone else) always said, “Action speaks louder than words”. Without action, passion is void.

Dreams become reality when you simply start by tinkering with your mind, then with your hands. And if the idea weakens or falters you can always go back to it later until you finish it. Thomas Edison and his Dream Team had to go back to the idea of a light bulb and recalculate it over 1,000 times before the first working light bulb begin to light the world.

2. Love. Commit to yourself. Then commit to those you love to powerfully create a life you can love. Instead of reacting, commit to creating from your heart and soul, out of love rather than fear. The American Dream will always be there, but a dream will still be a dream without motion. Be amazed as the transformation begins.

3. Live. Embrace moments and opportunities. Recognize and embrace the thought that each moment is perfect regardless of its outcome. Every time you hit on something that may appear too extreme why not give it a shot anyway. See if it will work. You may be surprised with the results. If you are not then decide to use that moment to learn from it and make the appropriate shift. Learning and growing from mistakes and failures is a part of living.

4. Be grateful. Dwell completely in a place of gratitude. Learn to utilize what you have in your hands and make use of it in the most constructive way. Necessity is the mother of invention. Have you ever been stuck without something you needed and had to make do with something else? (MacGyver,from the famous tv show, was famous for that!) How grateful were you that you had the means to solve your situation? Slipping into neediness will become less of a habit when you repeatedly shift towards gratitude and away from poverty consciousness.

5. Be Passionate. Use a Passion Formula of Recognize/Reevaluate/Restore in place of the Shoulda/Woulda/Coulda whirlwind. The former is based on increased knowledge and abundance while the latter focuses on scarcity and lack. As you face people or tasks that may seem harder than scaling the summit of the Himalayas, allow yourself to realize that the task is just as important as giving out orders to your subordinates. You would rather be richly passionate!

6. Laugh. Keep humor at the forefront of thought, laughing at and with yourself whenever possible. You may find yourself quite entertaining when you loosen up! I have yet to see a comedian ever go hungry even though his jokes are as ‘old as great-grandma’. Life has too much to offer to allow yourself to mope around in self pity. Humor is very attractive, very passionate: life-giving.

7. Discover Your Purpose. Believe that you are the architect of your destiny. Realizing how you wish to be remembered when you pass from this life is a truly driving force. Your purpose for being can be a seemingly simple as being a great parent to as elaborate as discovering miraculous cures.

When you have a strong purpose no one can take your passionate future from you except for you! Truly, as long as there’s still breath in your body, there is no end to how much you can accomplish in a lifetime. Discovering and following your purpose will enable you to enjoy your work. Celebrate in the discovery that acting on your creative mind’s thoughts is fulfilling your purpose. Watch everything flow into place with perfect, passionate precision.

Activate your positive thinking. Stretch your imagination. Think bigger than you feel comfortable. Act on your thoughts. The number one tip here is action. You want to start practicing these steps.

Think about this: It is unfortunate that so many people still do not use a computer because it appears too complicated to begin using. Or maybe they just keep putting it off till a more convenient time. These are just a couple of limitations one can set up for themselves. Limitations and failure to act on ideas and opportunities leave many as a dim bulb in a dark corner.

Alert! You are not doomed to darkness. You are interested in living a life of purpose and love. The wonderful, creative idea in you is about to be released. You are interested in doing this because you are reading this article. Fortunately if you truly desire something, the will to attain it will open your creative mind to find a way.

Now you need only to begin to act on your desire to create. Act now! Make your path to creativity and follow your purpose. Take your first step today with a positive attitude.

"You Can Call It Gratitude"– by Sudha Murthy

Posted on December 21, 2007 Updated on June 6, 2015

“You Can Call It Gratitude”– by Sudha Murthy

There are two photographs that hang on my office wall. Everyday when I enter my office, I look at them before starting my day. They are pictures of two old people. One is of a gentleman in a blue suit and the other is a black and white image of a man with dreamy eyes and a white beard.

People have often asked me if the people in the photographs are related to me. Some have even asked me, “Is this black and white photo that of a Sufi saint or a religious Guru?” I smile and reply “No, nor are they related to me. These people made an impact on my life. I am grateful to them.” “Who are they?” “The man in the blue suit is Bharat Ratna JRD Tata and the black and white photo is of Jamsetji Tata.” “But why do you have them in your office?” “You can call it gratitude.”

Then, invariably, I have to tell the person the following story. It was a long time ago. I was young and bright, bold and idealistic. I was in the final year of my Master’s course in Computer Science at the Indian Institute of Science (IISc) in Bangalore, then known as the Tata Institute. Life was full of fun and joy. I did not know what helplessness or injustice meant.

It was probably the April of 1974. Bangalore was getting warm and gulmohars were blooming at the IISc campus. I was the only girl in my postgraduate department and was staying at the ladies’ hostel. Other girls were pursuing research in different departments of Science. I was looking forward to going abroad to complete a doctorate in computer science. I had been offered scholarships from Universities in the US. I had not thought of taking up a job in India.

One day, while on the way to my hostel from our lecture-hall complex, I saw an advertisement on the notice board. It was a standard job-requirement notice from the famous automobile company Telco (now Tata Motors). It stated that the company required young, bright engineers, hardworking and with an excellent academic background, etc.

At the bottom was a small line: “Lady Candidates need not apply.” I read it and was very upset. For the first time in my life, I was up against gender discrimination. Though I was not keen on taking up the job, I saw it as a challenge. I had done extremely well in academics, better than most of my male peers. Little did I know then that in real life academic excellence is not enough to be successful.

After reading the notice I went fuming to my room. I decided to inform the top most person in Telco’s management about the injustice the company was perpetrating. I got a postcard and started to write, but there was a problem: I did not know who headed Telco. I thought it must be one of the Tatas. I knew JRD Tata was the head of the Tata Group; I had seen his pictures in newspapers (actually, Sumant Moolgaokar was the company’s chairman then).

I took the card, addressed it to JRD and started writing. To this day I remember clearly what I wrote. “The great Tatas have always been pioneers. They are the people who started the basic infrastructure industries in India, such as iron and steel, chemicals, textiles and locomotives. They have cared for higher education in India since 1900 and they were responsible for the establishment of the Indian Institute of Science. Fortunately, I study there. But I am surprised how a company such as Telco is discriminating on the basis of gender.”

I posted the letter and forgot about it. Less than 10 days later, I received a telegram stating that I had to appear for an interview at Telco’s Pune facility at the company’s expense. I was taken aback by the telegram. My hostel mate told me I should use the opportunity to go to Pune free of cost and buy them the famous Pune saris for cheap! I collected Rs 30 each from everyone who wanted a sari. When I look back, I feel like laughing at the reasons for my going, but back then they seemed good enough to make the trip.

It was my first visit to Pune and I immediately fell in love with the city. To this day it remains dear to me. I feel as much at home in Pune as I do in Hubli, my hometown. The place changed my life in so many ways. As directed, I went to Telco’s Pimpri office for the interview. There were six people on the panel and I realized then that this was serious business.

“This is the girl who wrote to JRD,” I heard somebody whisper as soon as I entered the room. By then I knew for sure that I would not get the job. The realization abolished all fear from my mind, so I was rather cool while the interview was being conducted. Even before the interview started, I reckoned the panel was biased, so I told them, rather impolitely, “I hope this is only a technical interview.” They were taken aback by my rudeness, and even today I am ashamed about my attitude.

The panel asked me technical questions and I answered all of them. Then an elderly gentleman with an affectionate voice told me, “Do you know why we said lady candidates need not apply? The reason is that we have never employed any ladies on the shop floor. This is not a co-ed college; this is a factory. When it comes to academics, you are a first ranker throughout. We appreciate that, but people like you should work in research laboratories.” I was a young girl from small-town Hubli. My world had been a limited place. I did not know the ways of large corporate houses and their difficulties, so I answered, “But you must start somewhere, otherwise no woman will ever be able to work in your factories.”

Finally, after a long interview, I was told I had been successful. So this was what the future had in store for me. Never had I thought I would take up a job in Pune. I met a shy young man from Karnataka there, we became good friends and we got married.

It was only after joining Telco that I realized who JRD was: the uncrowned king of Indian industry. Now I was scared, but I did not get to meet him till I was transferred to Bombay. One day I had to show some reports to Mr. Moolgaokar, our chairman who we all knew as SM. I was in his office on the first floor of Bombay House (the Tata headquarters) when, suddenly JRD walked in. That was the first time I saw “appro JRD”. Appro means “our” in Gujarati. This was the affectionate term by which people at Bombay House called him.

I was feeling very nervous, remembering my postcard episode. SM introduced me nicely, “Jeh (that’s what his close associates called him), this young woman is an engineer and that too a postgraduate. She is the first woman to work on the Telco shop floor.” JRD looked at me. I was praying he would not ask me any questions about my interview (or the postcard that preceded it). Thankfully, he didn’t. Instead, he remarked. “It is nice that girls are getting into engineering in our country. By the way, what is your name?” I replied “I am Sudha” He smiled a kindly smile and started a discussion with SM. As for me, I almost ran out of the room.

After that I used to see JRD on and off. He was the Tata Group chairman and I was merely an engineer. There was nothing that we had in common. I was in awe of him. One day I was waiting for Murthy, my husband, to pick me up after office hours. To my surprise I saw JRD standing next to me. I did not know how to react. Yet again I started worrying about that postcard. Looking back, I realize JRD had forgotten about it. It must have been a small incident for him, but not so for me.

“Young lady, why are you here?” he asked. “Office time is over.” I said, “Sir, I’m waiting for my husband to come and pick me up.” JRD said, “It is getting dark and there’s no one in the corridor. I’ll wait with you till your husband comes.” I was quite used to waiting for Murthy, but having JRD waiting alongside made me extremely uncomfortable. I was nervous. Out of the corner of my eye I looked at him. He wore a simple white pant and shirt. He was old, yet his face was glowing. There wasn’t any air of superiority about him. I was thinking, “Look at this person. He is a chairman, a well-respected man in our country and he is waiting for the sake of an ordinary employee.” Then I saw Murthy and I rushed out. JRD called and said, “Young lady, tell your husband never to make his wife wait again.”

In 1982, I had to resign from my job at Telco. I was reluctant to go, but I really did not have a choice. I was coming down the steps of Bombay House after wrapping up my final settlement when I saw JRD coming up. He was absorbed in thought. I wanted to say goodbye to him, so I stopped. He saw me and paused. Gently, he said, “So what are you doing, Mrs. Kulkarni?” (That was the way he always addressed me.) “Sir, I am leaving Telco.” “Where are you going?” he asked. “Pune, Sir. My husband is starting a company called Infosys and I’m shifting to Pune.” “Oh! And what will you do when you are successful.” “Sir, I don’t know whether we will be successful.” “Never start with diffidence,” he advised me. “Always start with confidence. When you are successful you must give back to society. Society gives us so much; we must reciprocate. I wish you all the best.”

Then JRD continued walking up the stairs. I stood there for what seemed like a millennium. That was the last time I saw him alive. Many years later I met Ratan Tata in the same Bombay House, occupying the chair JRD once did. I told him of my many sweet memories of working with Telco. Later, he wrote to me, “It was nice hearing about Jeh from you. The sad part is that he’s not alive to see you today.”

I consider JRD a great man because, despite being an extremely busy person, he valued one postcard written by a young girl seeking justice. He must have received thousands of letters everyday. He could have thrown mine away, but he didn’t do that. He respected the intentions of that unknown girl, who had neither influence nor money, and gave her an opportunity in his company. He did not merely give her a job; he changed her life and mindset forever.

Close to 50 per cent of the students in today’s engineering colleges are girls. And there are women on the shop floor in many industry segments. I see these changes and I think of JRD. If at all time stops and asks me what I want from life, I would say I wish JRD were alive today to see how the company we started has grown. He would have enjoyed it wholeheartedly.

My love and respect for the House of Tata remains undiminished by the passage of time. I always looked up to JRD. I saw him as a role model for his simplicity, his generosity, his kindness and the care he took of his employees. Those blue eyes always reminded me of the sky; they had the same vastness and magnificence.

* Sudha Murthy is a widely published writer and chairperson of the Infosys Foundation involved in a number of social development initiatives. Infosys chairman Narayan Murthy is her husband.
Sourced from The Net.

Alternative therapies: Unlocking closed doors

Posted on December 21, 2007 Updated on June 6, 2015

Alternative therapies: Unlocking closed doors
Amrita Singh,TNN

Her mother thought she was speech impaired. For years the child had not spoken a word, and hearing her sing a rhyme was something they had long given up hope for. She was autistic, you see. But Margaret Lobo, a UK-based music therapist associated with Music Therapy Trust in Mumbai, knew she could be reached through music. Lobo sang nursery rhymes, prodding the child to sing after her. After just three sessions her student sang – loud and clear. Lobo had unbolted her isolated world, if only for a brief moment.

Lobo is one of the unlikely people working in the field of behavioural therapy. After all, music, dance, art or brain gym don’t seem to belong in psychiatry books. Yet, these creative forms may have solutions to psychological problems. Doctors are increasingly prescribing these therapies for attention deficit syndrome, dyslexia, autism, depression and even schizophrenia.

Broadly these therapies work on the premise that the basic brain structure is the same for everyone and if somebody cannot read, write or communicate it isn’t because there is something wrong with their brain but because we don’t have the right tools to communicate with them. These tools could well be found in various art forms.

Lobo, for instance, uses music therapy to deal with autism, ADHD and other disorders. “It works on anyone. You could be paralysed due to a stroke, but the ability to hear and comprehend music never goes,” she says. She encourages a child to experiment with many instruments, looking for cues about what might work in each case. The breakthrough may take weeks, sometimes even years and the effect may be fleeting. “There is a feeling of triumph each time a student manages to dance, sing or speak a sentence coherently.”

Dance therapy, meanwhile, uses body movements to increase emotional and physical coordination. It believes that the body’s shape can affect one’s attitude. Tripura Kashyap, a Hyderabad-based instructor with a degree in dance stroke movement therapy from Hancock Centre of Dance Therapy in US, says, “Dance can improve imitation skills and memory, as kids are motivated to make eye contact, focus for a long time and learn the sequence of steps.”

Another programme that’s gaining popularity is Neuro linguistic programming (NLP). Krish Srikanth, who has trained with American NLP practitioner Anthony Robbins, says kids with learning disorders store and comprehend information in a way that’s different from others. They can benefit from NLP spelling strategy, that attaches images and feelings to words to make learning and spelling easier.

But there are some roadblocks. Dr Vikas Mohan Sharma, a psychiatric at Vimhans, Delhi, says, “The therapies can be effective if used with medicine. But getting to the right person may be tough.” Parents must check the therapist’s qualification. For instance, a certificate in music therapy is given by Apollo Hospital, Chennai, and Music Therapy Trust of India.

Little geniuses need care too

Posted on December 21, 2007

Little geniuses need care too
Pallavi Srivastava,TNN

Academically and mentally challenged children are not the only ones that need much more support than is being provided in India. And while small moves are being made to nurture the differently abled, another group of kids continues to suffer silently.

Yes, most of us don’t even think that gifted children need special attention too. But the few people who are working in the field in India say that gifted children form yet another group that the society continues to treat unfairly.

“People think that gifted kids would do well anyway,” says Dr Devasena Desai, in-charge of the nurturing programme at the Pune chapter of Mensa, the largest, oldest and most well-known high-IQ society in the world. Dr Desai, however, emphasises that close to nothing is being done for the children who carry the greatest potential. We, in fact, do more harm to them if we just let them be. “They are more touchy and withdrawn, because their high ability hampers their interaction with other kids,” she says. “You have to give them challenging activities as well as help them in social and emotional development.”

That, unfortunately, is a thought almost non-existent in India. So our gifted kids risk ending up as under-achievers or distracted workers. The education system has no special place for them. Few schools make special provisions for their mental stimulation and parents don’t know whom to approach for guidance.

Not even a fraction of the money and attention given to providing special education for the mentally challenged children is given to these geniuses. “The need is doubled for these kids,” says M. Srinivasan, founder-chairman of GEAR (Gifted Education and Research) Foundation, which runs a school in Bangalore. “But as they say, the crying baby gets the milk. While parents and social workers are very active to get facilities for the disabled, people look down upon me for promoting gifted education.”

Efforts, however, are being made by individuals like him to make a difference at their own level. The Institute for Gifted Children, set up in Delhi by Dr Shakuntla S. Jaiman to develop a teaching methodology at her CSKM Public School, identifies gifted students from class 4 onwards. “The few schools that identify gifted children tend to group them in one section. That isolates them from the mainstream. But we develop them to become mentors to other children,” she says.

The scenario is made more complex because there are conflicting theories of judging giftedness, although most agree that gifted people are the top 1% of the population. Besides IQ testing, which has attracted wide criticism, new concepts like Multiple Intelligences and attitude, emotional and social quotients have emerged. This has left people to follow their own methods to identify and nurture children, and to train teachers.

For instance, Srinivasan, who holds a masters degree from the National Research Centre on the Gifted and Talented, University of Connecticut, USA, applies the Multiple Intelligences concept in his school. “We don’t ask, ‘How smart are you?’,” he says. “We ask, ‘How are you smart?’.” Jaiman, who has done her PhD. in the subject from IIT, Delhi, uses a wide range of psychological tests.

Srinivasan, in fact, discounts the IQ score beyond 120, saying it works more for mathematicians or scientists and not for the creative lot. Desai, however, says they need an IQ of at least 140. “There is a thin line between being talented and gifted,” she says. “While a talented person may be good at one or two-three things, a gifted person has a cognitive ability that’s far superior to the normal population.”

Mensa, for that matter, has its own standard international qualifying test that a person from any cultural background can take. And Mensa, Pune, has, over the past five years, identified over 60 tribal students from Maharashtra as ‘Mensan’. The organisation will help in their social, emotional and mental development through 18 modules over the next 18 months. Well, it’s high time the gifted got some gifts too.

Recipe for a happy marriage

Posted on December 21, 2007 Updated on June 6, 2015

Recipe for a happy marriage
Namita Devidayal

In an era where every one seems to be someone’s ‘ex’ – (a Mumbai fashion designer has launched a label cockily called Sex With My Ex) – marriage has become something of a curio. The subject is eternally bewildering: What is the formula to make a marriage work? Is there one? Is it an outdated institution? Or is it a mistake every one should make?

In an attempt to decode the idea of matrimony, two South African film-makers have decided to make a film on long-marriages-couples who have stuck it out for more than 50 years. “We wanted to capture 50-year-old marriages before they become extinct,” explains Karen Slater, who earlier made films on wildlife.

So, what prompted her to drop the buzzard for the bedroom? It started four years ago, when she and her then friend, Steven Bartlo, got involved with each other. Slater was 36, Bartlo was close to 50. When the ‘M’ word came up, both recoiled. The subterranean ghosts popped up. She was terrified because her parents had divorced, and he was utterly cynical, because he had seen his folks bicker all his life long. (In case you’re wondering which is better – chronic bickering or divorce – wait till the end of the article).

To determine whether or not they should get married, and also get some tools on what makes marriages last, they started exploring the idea of making the film, which they titled ‘Fifty years! Should we do it’. They have since been all over the world interviewing sweet old couples, including a conservative Catholic Dutch couple, a polygamous Zulu chieftain and his six wives, a suburban American couple, Bartlo’s parents (who are Indian) and, most recently, the Breach Candy-based spiritual advocate, Ramesh Balsekar and his wife Sharda. Somewhere in the middle of that, they got married and also feature in the film.

Slater and Bartlo were in Mumbai recently to interview the Balsekars, who have been married 67 years. (They would have loved to interview their own guru, but realised that he would not be an appropriate candidate as he had slept with too many of his disciples.)

Bartlo interviews the man, Slater the woman. So what did Balsekar, whose disciples include the gloomy Canadian singer Leonard Cohen, have to say? “He explains every thing in terms of philosophy,” says Bartlo, “…so whatever is meant to happen, must happen. It’s the same in marriage.” What does he mean? People are programmed by their conditioning and their genetics. So that affects their marriage. But an important tip: “Always put your attention on the needs of the other. You have to rise above your own personal desires.”

Bartlo’s thoughts? It is important not to take things too seriously. So, if something happens in your marriage, you accept it, absorb and process it, let it have its due impact on you, and then let it go. Going back to a Balsekarism, he adds, “Remember, the past is dead, and the future is entirely uncertain, so just live in the moment.”

And what did the others have to say? Well, the Zulu healer, who once had 13 wives, had this gem on offer. “You should never stray outside your marriage.” He claimed to be happily married though, not surprisingly, the wives did not entirely reflect that sentiment.

Divorce is not a bad word in the film-makers’ view, only “something treated too easily and light-heartedly, without any long-term vision,” says Bartlo. It was when Bartlo interviewed his parents, who have now transformed into a calm, hand-holding couple, he was most intrigued. He realised that, “If you make it through the rapids and whirlpools of your marriage, you eventually do reach the ocean of serenity…If you have the strength of character to make it through the rough spots, you usually do reach the Golden Age” – (a nugget perhaps that all of us not-yet-married-for-50-years should stash away in a secret drawer).

“If we hadn’t made this film, I don’t think we’d have got married,” says Slater. “These couples have been an inspiration.”

Why our kids run amok

Posted on December 21, 2007

Why our kids run amok

Rup Narayan Das

Depression is fast emerging like a silent killer without any warning unlike physical ailments.

People argue that it is because of depression that some of us commit suicide or are alcoholic. But the root cause of such manifest symptoms goes deeper.

Society is passing through a crisis. We have ceased to be traditional without becoming modern.

Urbanisation and modernisation coupled with the mindless pursuit of career are not only robbing us of the finer sensitivities and qualities but also spoiling our peace and tranquility, our societal and familial harmony.

The symptoms of depression are all-pervasive and manifest in road-rage, street brawls, ill temper, intemperate language, lack of civility and delinquent behaviour.

The cushioning effects of the joint family is no more and there is unbridled materialism and consumerism fueled by easy loan and credit cards, enticed by advertisement which drives one to the deadly debt trap.

There is a mismatch between aspiration and ability to achieve, leading to frustration and depression.

Loneliness of children, particularly in cities, has affected their mental growth and emotional nourishment.

The old world bonhomie of the neighbourhood and interpersonal interaction have also disappeared. Psychological and clinical therapy alone cannot address such ailments Mental depression needs to be addressed spiritually and socially.

We must address the basic reasons of depression which are the flipsides of urbanisation and modernisation. The very premise of development through material prosperity alone needs to be questioned.

No wonder then that a small country like Bhutan has questioned the paradigm of development and coined the term ‘gross domestic happiness’ in place of gross domestic product as an index of development, honoured by the UN. Isn’t it time we had a spiritual and ethical foundation to our material prosperity?

A temple must be in the heart

Posted on December 20, 2007

A temple must be in the heart
Mukul Sharma, TNN

As most of us well know, temples — and to more or less varying degrees churches, mosques, synagogues, etc — are not really places of worship, but social constructs. They were designed specifically for people of chosen faiths to congregate and continually reaffirm their bonds of that oneness that draws them together.

Which is why the heavy ceremonies, “Sunday best” dressing, body purifying processes and mannered interactivity. Praying, or any form of spiritual union with the divine is, at best, a solemn add-on initiative. However, it’s integral to the function of a temple to make at least a passing reference to God, otherwise its reason for existence crumbles.

Priests of all faiths realise this ironic fact only too well to properly disguise their intentions. They know, for instance, that the foundation on which their sanctuaries of veneration are built are on pretty shaky ground. On the one hand they goad us the godhead is inside ourselves, all around us and omnipresent, yet on the other, they need to demand our physical presence and time inside temples. Ultimately it turns out that it’s the only place where He can be appropriately addressed and that, too, after adhering to a series of ritualised practices.

Is it any wonder then that some people see through this masquerade from time to time? But that’s when astute templars who have the pulse of their flock right, up the devotional ante exponentially with historical crusades, mandatory pilgrimages and annual melas. Suddenly, for a small moment in time (which may actually last centuries in some cases), people get to focus clearly as the temple gets its act right.

But, like miracles, these sacred journeys of the mind have no real staying power, or if they do it’s only in a cyclical fashion. In the main, whole sections of society tire of that forced connect. In Japan which professes to be officially three-quarters Buddhist, monks have had to hit the catwalk recently in Tokyo to lure youths back to shrines. Buddhism is in a crisis in that country, they say.

Perhaps, the process of an inner devotion needs to be emphasised instead; one that recognises no iconic signposts leading the way to supposed salvation. Otherwise, young people in Japan — or for that matter anywhere in the world — will end up holding communion with whatever they believe in, only in their hearts. But come to think of it, how bad is that either?